Nope, Don't Wanna Talk Wid You
Jul 1, 2008 12:00 PM, Herschell Gordon Lewis
That was the delightfully friendly (fiendly?) way a telemarketer opened what turned out to be a delightfully short conversation with whoever delightfully ...

Sorry We Screwed You Up. So Here's 10 Bucks
Jun 1, 2008 12:00 PM, Herschell Gordon Lewis
John Talbott isn't a fan of what he calls apology marketing. He isn't a fan of Budget Rent a Car. So he finds the two fanless items in combo, not once ...

Watching the Watchers
May 1, 2008 12:00 PM, Hershcell Gordon Lewis
How much spam did you get today? That very question is in itself such a clich it's spam in print. We're assaulted on one side by nonsensical or insulting ...

Back to the Future
Apr 1, 2008 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
Did we ever have kinder, gentler times when direct marketing simply meant direct mail? We look back fondly at what we remember as happy days when we weren't ...

The Great Brand Controversy
Mar 1, 2008 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
I know just when it was that I found myself in the midst of the brand-vs.-direct argument. Well, make that battle, because opinions and tempers blow hot. ...

Curmudgeon on Film
Feb 1, 2008 12:00 PM, Beth Negus Viveiros
On a recent afternoon at the cinema, we were thrilled to see a shout out to Direct's own Herschell Gordon Lewis in the new movie In the comedy about a ...

These Goose Eggs Are Brass, Not Gold
Feb 1, 2008 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
We're in the middle of an epidemic. The force-communication goose that's supposed to lay golden eggs e-mail is laying so many brass eggs that when we ...

I Dub Thee - Sir Charge
Jan 1, 2008 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
The American Independent Truckers Association reflects the greed and cynicism blanketing business and industry today. Its published philosophy states baldly, with questionable grammar: “If you are brokering your own freight, you are losing money if you are not assessing a fuel surcharge. Everyone else is applying it, why are you giving up your money?” ...

A Direct Visit From St. Ridic-o-las
Dec 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
'Twas the night before Christmas, and Santa, nonplused, Took a look at his marketing, sighed, and then cussed: What's with all these strange upstarts? ...

Who Needs Needs?
Nov 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
I'm looking at a mailing from a company that sells vitamins and supplements. The key copy: Scientifically formulated for all your nutrition needs. Ugh. ...

It's Time to Dumb-Up
Oct 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
We in direct marketing don't have to worry much about the dumbing-down of advertising and marketing messages. After all, we're in the thick of it. But ...

Virtue Is Its Own Reward? Says Who?
Sep 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
Not since Ponzi have so many “rewards” programs blossomed in our midst. The catalyst, of course, is the World Wide Web, whose fertilizer-enhanced tentacles ensnare the unwary and enrage the wary. ...

The Industry Needs an Ombudsman
Aug 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
I don't remember the name of a science-fiction film I saw some years ago, but I remember the plot: An evil serpent (is there any other kind, in fiction?) ...

The Bombardment Begins
Jul 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
My friend and list guru Bob Dunhill sent me a fundraising mailing, to which he appended the statement Abraham Lincoln made when asked how long his legs ...

Take This Word Out of Your Dictionary
Jun 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
Some years ago I was in the audience listening to a speaker who combined two rare traits: transmitting actually useful information, and entertaining as ...

Pubication Renewal Offers
May 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
All right, kids, which is more insulting — “You're a failure” or “You're going to improve”? Right. Both. That is, both if you've been getting the assortment of “Be a man again” e-mails that suddenly have poured into my various online addresses. (Ladies, I apologize for excluding you. You have your own problems, or so I assume.) ...

Unstuck in the Mud
Apr 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
I'm thinking of trimming the number of my credit cards down to six or seven. Silly, isn't it? Theoretically, nobody needs more than two credit cards one ...

Whatever Happened to
Mar 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
If you're old enoughand that might be over age 25you remember when double postcards were king of the hill in subscription mailings. You might also remember ...

A Capital Idea? Well
Feb 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
The problem with so many loyalty programs is they demand our loyalty but don't volunteer a rat's behind for their loyalty. Veteran air travelers are quite ...

Need an Endorsement? Ask Henry VIII's Agent
Jan 1, 2007 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
Celebrity endorsements ain't what they used to be. If you're old enough you remember when Arthur Godfrey and Dinah Shore could endorse almost anything, ...

Before I Forget
Nov 1, 2006 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
An upsetting self-revelation: I've outlived a surprising number of direct marketers who have been my contemporaries. I shouldn't have been surprised, ...

Harrumph. Obfuscate. Complicate. Harrumph
Oct 15, 2006 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
When I deliver a speech or communicate in print, one of the words I eschew is That word, and its cousins such as and any compound word whose second half ...

Action Don't Got No Traction
Oct 1, 2006 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
I'M GETTING MORE AND MORE STEAMED AT HIT-AND-RUN DIRECT marketers. Who or what are hit-and-runners? They're the ones who know a couple of action words ...

The First Syllable of Dogma
Sep 1, 2006 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
WE TEND TO REPEAT DOGMA BECAUSE IT'S THE easiest and in the absence of education most defendable argument we can mount. So when somebody asks us what ...

No, It's Not Marketing. It's Just Advertising
Aug 1, 2006 12:00 PM, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS
Are you as numbed as I am by the ridiculous, sometimes impenetrable and too-often obnoxious ads that pepper local television stations and newspapers? ...